She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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