Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
vagina is talking i cant
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
