I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
