I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize