I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
