Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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