The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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