Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
