grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
