I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You are a genius and a whore.
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