The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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