Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
