I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
