when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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