why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
