piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
