): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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