I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
