i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
