he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you didnt know i had herpes?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
