She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
