How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
