First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
