we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
