Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
this will be a night to untag.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
