i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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