What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
