There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
