Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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