last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
