don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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