It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
