After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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