So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
