You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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