I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
