butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
