honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
