We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
