Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
