U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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