i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize