After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
