i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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