I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
