someone threw a dead crab at me
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize