Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
