Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
