we have officially lost it.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
