Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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