i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
