so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
