But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
