You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
