the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
