they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
