the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He passed out mid-signature
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
