Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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