I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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