I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
