Apparently you make a good broom.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Randomize
