You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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