You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
