I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
