This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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