it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
