Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Sorry about my life...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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