Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
