life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
