My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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