I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
