you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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