he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
