when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
