Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
