Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
