just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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