When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
