she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize