Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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